Senior Year 04: The UnPopularity Game
by Wild Pikachu
Summary: A school spirit contest sparks a debate in the gang's new social studies class, where they decide to find out who the most unpopular person at Kennedy is.
1. Teaser

**Notes:** _(Re-edited and re-uploaded September 2010)_

* * *

**Guest Cast:**  
Mr. Osbourne: Erick Avari  
Principal Krupps: Robert Gant

* * *

**Formatting:** The main differences between the way the episodes are presented here and true script format are that on this website, everything is left-justified, while script format has specific block-margins for dialog, etc., and that scripts are still traditionally printed in Courier (monospace) font. These episodes are also available on my Popular website (link is in my info) if you would like to read them as though they were printed scripts.

**Legal whatchamacallit:** Pre-existing "Popular" characters and situations are ©1999-2001 Touchstone Television, et al. For what it's worth, original material is ©2001-2010 by yours truly, the Wild Pikachu. Please don't steal this without asking first.

* * *

**POPULAR: SENIOR YEAR**

**THE UNPOPULARITY GAME**

TEASER

FADE IN:

INT. PRINCIPAL KRUPPS' OFFICE - DAY

Krupps is sitting behind his desk, reading from a folder.

KRUPPS  
Hmmm... Well, this is  
interesting.

Sitting across from the principal is a smartly-dressed man,  
who leans forward over the desk.

CONSULTANT #1  
I can assure you, Mr. Krupps, that  
what you hold in your hands is the  
ideal solution to your particular  
problem.

KRUPPS  
Now hold on—I said it was  
interesting; I didn't say I was  
sold.

CONSULTANT #1  
But you will be. How do we know?  
Because we're experts. And how  
can you tell we're experts? By  
the wide array of paraphernalia  
available at completely reasonable  
prices.

In the corner of the office, a second, identically-dressed man  
adopts a game-show-hostess pose next to a display rack filled  
with pamphlets and books.

KRUPPS  
Yes, I've heard the pitch...but  
I'm still not sold.

CONSULTANT #1  
I might remind you of the stunning  
success of the last project we co-  
ordinated for you?

KRUPPS  
Yes, yes, the whole music video  
thing did boost school morale...  
temporarily.

CONSULTANT #1  
Well, as we told you before,  
engaging an entire student body is  
an ongoing process.

KRUPPS  
(skeptically)  
Right...

CONSULTANT #2  
(holding up a book)  
It's all right here in "Putting  
the Rah in Your School's Rah-Rah".

Krupps holds up his hand.

KRUPPS  
I don't need the book, thank you.

CONSULTANT #1  
Of course, you would have longer  
lasting results if you purchased  
one of our complete packages,  
starting at only eighty-thousand—

KRUPPS  
We'll try this first. Frankly, I  
don't like the idea of hiring  
outside consultants to boost  
school morale in the first place,  
but—it's the district's money.  
(looking up)  
You can put this in motion right  
away?

CONSULTANT #2  
(smiling)  
Immediately.

And from behind the display rack he pulls a large, colorful  
tagboard sign reading, "Mr./Ms. (your school here) - School  
Spirit Contest!"

WHITE OUT.

END OF TEASER


	2. Act One

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

ANGLE: MARY CHERRY

head on, looking curiously at something. Soon she is joined  
by Carmen on one side, and Lily on the other. After a moment,  
the scene shifts to show one of the contest posters, with the  
Kennedy name (crudely) filled in.

CARMEN  
"School Spirit Contest"?

LILY  
(reading)  
"All students should enter this  
exciting contest. Be the guy or  
girl who exemplifies the  
principles of your school, as  
determined by a vote of your  
fellow students."

MARY CHERRY  
Sounds like fun! Of course, I'm a  
shoo-in.

LILY  
What? You are NOT!

FLIP CUT TO:

INT. SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS - LATER

Brooke and Sam are sitting in adjoining desks, but not  
interacting. Harrison walks by; Sam grabs him, spins him  
around and plants a kiss on him. Brooke carefully looks away.

SAM  
Hey, you.

HARRISON  
(flustered)  
Hey. Wha—what was that for?

SAM  
(shrugs)  
Nothing. Is there something wrong  
with me kissing you?

HARRISON  
Uh, n-no. Of course not.

The awkward moment is interrupted by the rowdy arrival of Mary  
Cherry, Carmen, and Lily, who are in the midst of a spirited  
discussion. Harrison takes advantage of the distraction to  
slip away.

MARY CHERRY  
I am still waitin' for an  
explanation for that slanderous  
remark, Lil Lily!

LILY  
(rolling her eyes)  
Which one?

MARY CHERRY  
How could you insinuate that I,  
Mary Cherry, do not exemplify the  
values of our fair school?

LILY  
Uh, because greed, avarice, and  
the shallowness of a wetland  
that's been drained for  
development AREN'T the values of  
this school?

MARY CHERRY  
Why, of course they are! They're  
the values of all red-blooded  
American high schools!

LILY  
No, they aren't!

She turns to Brooke and Sam.

LILY (CONT'D)  
Sam?

SAM  
(holding up her hands)  
Whatever you're talking about, I  
don't want to get involved.

LILY  
(imploring)  
Sam—

BROOKE  
(breaking in)  
Wait—is this about that stupid  
contest?

CARMEN  
Yes.

Mary Cherry holds up a flyer that is a miniature copy of the  
poster.

MARY CHERRY  
You could enter, Brooke. Second  
place isn't bad.

BROOKE  
An extreme no, thank you. It's  
just one more pointless popularity  
contest. I've been through enough  
of those to last me my whole life.

SAM  
For once, I totally agree with  
Brooke. The whole thing is  
completely bogus.

MARY CHERRY  
(miffed)  
Well, that's a fine attitude to  
have!

LILY  
Mary Cherry, I'm sure there are  
lots of shallow people at this  
school who would love to compete  
against you.

MARY CHERRY  
I'm sorry, but when it comes to  
popularity, no one competes  
against me.

BROOKE  
(looking off)  
Maybe you guys should sit down?

The girls quickly find seats as the teacher, a distinguished,  
slightly exotic-looking man in his late forties, enters the  
room. Standing at the chalkboard, he writes "Mr. Eric  
Osbourne", and then turns to face the class.

OSBOURNE  
Good morning. For those of you  
who are unaware, my predecessor in  
this position, Miss Thornapple,  
won five million dollars in a  
poker tournament in Las Vegas this  
last weekend, and thus decided to  
immediately retire from teaching.

He looks down his long nose at all of them.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Now, I am informed, by reasonably  
reliable sources, that you are  
high-school seniors. I shall  
therefore begin my instruction by  
making the charitable assumption  
that you—at least, most of you—  
possess the ability to think.

He turns back to the chalkboard and draws a large "0" on it.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
However, you shall have to prove  
that ability to my satisfaction.  
Everyone in this class begins,  
now, at zero. You will accumulate  
points for work done, here and  
elsewhere; the total number of  
points you have at the end of the  
school year will determine your  
final grade. You may also, from  
time to time, receive bonus  
points. When you have accumulated  
enough of these, you will receive  
a partial step-up in your grade.

Osbourne takes a stack of papers from his desk and hands them  
to the students in front, who begin passing them back.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
You may discard any notes or other  
materials you have previously  
collected from this class—as of  
now, they are irrelevant. I have  
studied Miss Thornapple's lesson  
plans; the knowledge required of  
you under her auspices seemed  
limited to such things as the  
capital of Texas—

MARY CHERRY  
(waving)  
Ooh! I know! Austin!

Osbourne subdues her with a look.

OSBOURNE  
That's geography, Miss Cherry, not  
social studies. And certainly not  
what WE are going to study in the  
coming months.

LILY  
(raising her hand cautiously)  
Uh, Mr. Osbourne? You know our  
names? Already?

OSBOURNE  
Indeed I do, Mrs. Ford. I spent  
yesterday studying your records.  
(considers)  
Also, I was cornered this morning  
by a certain Miss Roberta Glass,  
who seemed determined to speak at  
length about all of you. She  
apparently wanted me to take her  
opinions as my own—but then I  
decided to consider the source.

Sam and Brooke exchange a glance, raised eyebrows and a barely  
audible snort—which does not go unnoticed.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Miss McQueen? Miss McPherson?  
You find something amusing?

The girls instantly sit up, straight-faced.

BROOKE  
Uh, no, sir—

SAM  
No—we, we just think—

BROOKE  
We think Miss Glass, she's...she's  
a little—

SAM  
—a little biased.

BROOKE  
Right. Just a little.

Osbourne appears to consider this for a moment; then he goes  
back behind the desk and makes some marks in a ledger.

OSBOURNE  
I agree with you. You each  
receive ten bonus points.

MARY CHERRY  
Hold on—they get bonus points  
for—

OSBOURNE  
Opinions, Miss Cherry, as you will  
discover, are what this class is  
all about.

BROOKE  
(suspiciously)  
Wait...are you rewarding us  
because we said something, or  
because you agree with what we  
said?

Osbourne peers over the desk at her.

OSBOURNE  
You will have to reason that out  
for yourself over time, Miss  
McQueen.  
(making another mark)  
However, you do get an additional  
five bonus points, for realizing  
that the question exists.

Brooke settles back, looking somewhat satisfied with herself.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Now then, shall we begin? Is  
there a subject—some issue  
relevant to the human condition—  
worthy of discussion? Something  
social to study, as one of my  
students—whom I flunked—liked to  
say?

The kids look around at each other, at a loss. Roaming around  
the room, Osbourne snatches the contest flyer off of Mary  
Cherry's desk.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
This will do.

Sam rolls her eyes briefly—and Osbourne turns on her.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
You have an opinion, Miss  
McPherson? What do you think of  
this contest?

SAM  
Honestly?

OSBOURNE  
(severely)  
Dishonesty is useless to me, Miss  
McPherson. You're allowed to ask  
that once. Don't ask it again.

Chastised, Sam drops her gaze.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
(prompting)  
You had an opinion, Miss  
McPherson.

SAM  
(shaking her head)  
It's meaningless. It doesn't have  
anything to do with school spirit.  
It's just another popularity  
contest.

OSBOURNE  
I see.

He crosses to his desk and leans against it casually, arms  
folded.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
A valid interpretation. And is a  
popularity contest a good thing?

SAM  
Huh?

BROOKE  
(cutting in)  
Everyone knows who's popular  
around here and who isn't.

Osbourne shifts his attention to Brooke.

OSBOURNE  
Expand the question, then, Miss  
McQueen: is popularity a good  
thing? Or a bad thing?

Brooke shrugs helplessly. Osbourne rights himself and heads  
for the bookcase.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Let's back up several steps.

He pulls out a book and opens it.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
The definition of popularity is,  
and I quote, "the quality of being  
admired or desired by many  
people". Miss McPherson—attack  
or defend that statement.

SAM  
(quizzically)  
You want me to attack the  
definition of popularity?

OSBOURNE  
Or defend it. Your choice.

Sam thinks for a moment.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Well, Miss McPherson? Attack or  
defend?

Sam puts her palms out flat on her desk.

SAM  
All right—attack. It's not about  
being wanted, or even admired.  
Sure, people want to be around  
you, but—

BROOKE  
—but it's not about YOU. I mean,  
people aren't popular for who they  
are. They're popular for how they  
look, or what clothes they wear,  
or how they act...

The flow of conversation falters for a moment.

OSBOURNE  
And what does that mean?  
(pause)  
Anyone? Mr. John?

All heads turn to Harrison.

HARRISON  
(thinking on the run)  
It means...you're just doing what  
everyone else has already decided  
is popular.

CARMEN  
What?

HARRISON  
No, think about it. Everybody  
thinks popular people are leaders,  
but they aren't. They're just  
following the popular "thing". If  
you try to do something  
different—

LILY  
—you instantly become unpopular.

MARY CHERRY  
That's crazy! Who doesn't want to  
be popular?

BROOKE  
(soberly)  
I don't. When I was the most  
popular girl in school...I was the  
unhappiest I've ever been in my  
life. Every moment, I was  
consumed with maintaining my  
social standing, doing exactly the  
right thing...it was horrible. My  
whole life was about playing the  
popularity game.

MARY CHERRY  
But...but...it's worse to be  
UNpopular!

LILY  
Is it? Okay, you don't have  
legions of hangers-on, but...  
you're free. You can do what you  
want, be who you want, without any  
pressure—

MARY CHERRY  
Well, darn, I just don't get it!  
Bein' popular's, like, you're  
right at the top of the social  
heap. I KNOW it's better to be on  
the top than on the bottom!

BROOKE  
Mary Cherry...

When Mary Cherry—and everyone else—turn to face Brooke, her  
eyes are deadly serious, and her voice cuts through the room  
like a knife.

BROOKE (CONT'D)  
You've never been on top of the  
social heap here. You have no  
idea what it's like. Being  
popular almost killed me. Twice.

She turns to Osbourne.

BROOKE (CONT'D)  
It's NOT a good thing.

Osbourne tilts his head in acknowledgment.

OSBOURNE  
All right, we've established the  
effect—or at least one effect—of  
popularity upon its objects.  
(holding up a finger)  
Now, let's examine popularity from  
the viewpoint of the others—the  
"hangers-on", as you call them.  
What function does popularity  
serve for them?

SAM  
(cynically)  
Mindless imitation?

CARMEN  
Well...popular people ARE role  
models.

LILY  
But what good's a role model if  
it's a BAD role model?

SAM  
Carmen's right. If nobody knows  
who you are, you can't be a role  
model.

HARRISON  
Hang on, I'm not sure I buy this  
idea. I mean, not everybody who's  
famous is just, you know, evil. I  
don't think they're always  
connected.

SAM  
They don't have to be. That's one  
of the things about popularity:  
you can't control what people  
think about you, or if they want  
to be like you. You might think  
you have this power over people—

BROOKE  
—but you really don't have any  
power at all.

CARMEN  
So what about someone who signs a  
ten-million-dollar contract for  
shoes?

LILY  
That's different—that's  
commercialism.

CARMEN  
But they're still telling people  
which shoes to wear. Isn't that  
power?

MARY CHERRY  
That's right!

LILY  
No, no...

As the discussion grows more animated, the scene pulls away  
and focuses on the wall clock...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS - LATER

The clock, which had read 10:20, ticks over to 11 o'clock.  
Several of the kids are talking at once when the school bell  
cuts them all off.

Osbourne claps his hands together.

OSBOURNE  
Well, I think we've made a  
constructive beginning. Everyone  
here gets full credit for today.  
Tomorrow's assignment: a class  
project, demonstrating what we've  
discussed today. The entire class  
will be graded as a unit; co-  
operation is encouraged.  
Dismissed.

As the kids file out, Osbourne takes a seat behind his desk.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
(beckoning)  
Miss McQueen, Miss McPherson.

Brooke and Sam stop at the desk, waiting. Osbourne looks up  
at them, regarding them for a moment.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
I'm not impressed with you yet—I  
don't impress easily—but I could  
be. You argue well, when you  
agree and when you don't.  
(pause)  
I have a feeling this class may be  
more interesting than I had  
originally thought.  
(looking down)  
That's all.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER

Sam and Brooke are walking down the hallway side by side.

SAM  
Well, he's...interesting, anyway.

BROOKE  
Definitely better than Miss  
Thornapple, though.

SAM  
I don't know...I was kinda looking  
forward to state capitals.

Suddenly Mary Cherry prances across their path, waving a  
paper: an application form for the school spirit contest.  
Sam and Brooke just shake their heads at each other.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY

Lily is talking animatedly to Josh while he is rummaging  
through his locker.

LILY  
...so we ended up just talking,  
and it was really cool. All these  
ideas just flowing around the  
room, not like the rest of our  
classes.

JOSH  
(distant)  
Uh-huh, yeah.

LILY  
Josh, are you listening to me?

JOSH  
(shortly)  
Sure.

LILY  
(sighs)  
Josh, are you still upset?

He turns to glare at her.

JOSH  
Naw, Lily, why would I be upset?

LILY  
Josh—

JOSH  
First you show up at practice and  
embarrass me in front of the guys,  
and now you're here, all amped  
over this social studies guy and  
his flowing ideas, while I'm stuck  
in jock classes, which is where I  
belong anyway.

LILY  
Josh, that's not—

He slams his locker shut, making her jump.

JOSH  
Go be with your smart friends,  
Lily.

Josh turns and stomps off; Lily hugs herself tightly as she  
watches him go.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE


	3. Act Two

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EST. FERRARA HOUSE - EVENING

CUT TO:

INT. CARMEN'S BEDROOM

Carmen is sitting at her computer when the phone rings. She  
reaches over and grabs it.

CARMEN  
(into the phone)  
H'lo?

SUGAR (V.O.)  
Yo, Carmen.

CARMEN  
Oh, hey.

SUGAR (V.O.)  
So, I scored these tickets to Ska-  
Fest on Saturday.

CARMEN  
What? How? That's been sold out  
for, like, weeks!

SUGAR (V.O.)  
My cousin's in tight with one of  
the guys that does the lights.  
Anyway—

CARMEN  
(grinning)  
Sure!  
(pause)  
Uh, I mean...if you WERE gonna ask  
me...

SUGAR (V.O.)  
Yeah, that was the plan.

CARMEN  
Great.

SUGAR (V.O.)  
So...see you tomorrow?

CARMEN  
Yeah, okay.

SUGAR (V.O.)  
Okay.

Carmen hangs up the phone, still grinning, and gives herself a  
bit of a celebratory fist-pump.

DISSOLVE TO:

EST. KENNEDY HIGH - MORNING

CUT TO:

INT. GIRLS' RESTROOM

Lily is pacing around the room, working a rubber band  
spasmodically between her fingers, while Sam, perched on the  
tuffet, eyes her carefully.

SAM  
Maybe you oughta—

But before Sam can finish her thought, the rubber band snaps  
out of Lily's hand. With a cry, Sam ducks as it goes zinging  
over her head and ricochets off the wall behind her.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Hey!

LILY  
(sighs)  
Sorry.  
(pause)  
Okay, so what do I do now?

Sam shakes her head discouragingly.

SAM  
I don't know, Lily.

LILY  
Last night he said I'm trying to  
change who he is. That's not  
true—I don't want him to change.

Sam raises her eyebrows at Lily skeptically.

LILY (CONT'D)  
Well...I mean, I'm not trying to  
change him.

Sam gives her another look.

LILY (CONT'D)  
What?

SAM  
Come on, Lily. When Josh was the  
quarterback of the football team,  
you didn't want anything to do  
with him.

LILY  
(momentarily indignant)  
That's not true! I—I just didn't  
think about him like that.

Sam peers at Lily speculatively.

SAM  
Are you sure this is just about  
football?

LILY  
(hesitant)  
Well—what else would it be about?

Sam stands up and folds her arms.

SAM  
Did Josh do something?

LILY  
No! Really...he hasn't done  
anything.

SAM  
Have you told him?

LILY  
I—  
(looking away)  
—I don't know what you're talking  
about.

SAM  
(gently insistent)  
Yes, you do. Have you told him?

Lily backs away a few steps.

LILY  
I...I can't.

SAM  
(sighs)  
Lily...

LILY  
You KNOW I can't.

SAM  
(shaking her head)  
You have to tell him, Lily. He  
doesn't KNOW.

LILY  
And he's not going to, either.  
Please, Sam, just...don't get in  
the middle of this.

The moment is interrupted by Carmen, who waltzes into the  
Novak while whistling up a storm.

LILY (CONT'D)  
(turning)  
You're in a good mood, Carm.

Carmen puts her hands to her heart.

CARMEN  
I...am content.  
(pause)  
Sugar Daddy and I are going to Ska  
Fest on Saturday.

LILY  
So, no more problems?

CARMEN  
You know what, I decided that this  
whole talking things out is way  
over-hyped. I'm having a good  
time, he's having a good time...  
we're having a good time.  
(giggling)  
It's like English class.

SAM  
Good for you, Carm.

Lily takes Carmen by the arm and steers her towards the door.

LILY  
Yeah, Carm, come on and tell me  
all about it.

Sam shoots a dirty look at Lily's back for escaping their  
conversation; but the other two are already leaving, and she  
hurries to catch up.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

Lily and Carmen are walking down the hall, chatting  
animatedly, with Sam tagging along behind.

Sam spots Brooke; she shifts direction, taps her on the arm  
and draws her off to a quiet spot in the corridor.

SAM  
Have you had any ideas for this  
"class project" for social  
studies?

BROOKE  
(shaking her head)  
I haven't really thought about it.  
The whole subject kind of makes me  
queasy.

SAM  
Listen, I might have something...

Sam and Brooke start to talk in earnest, and—

CUT TO:

INT. SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS - LATER

The kids are chatting amongst themselves until the bell rings,  
which is the exact moment that Osbourne appears in the  
doorway. Crossing to the front of the teacher's desk, he sets  
down his things, and turns to face them.

OSBOURNE  
Good morning. Yesterday we  
discussed the concept of  
popularity. I believe I mentioned  
a class project as today's  
assignment.  
(folding his arms)  
I await your inspiration.

From the assembled students comes a soft murmur and some  
exchanged glances, but nothing more. Osbourne cocks an  
eyebrow at them.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Anyone? I distinctly recall  
encouraging cooperation. If you  
wish to cooperate for a zero that  
is, of course, your choice.

Brooke half-raises her hand.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Yes, Miss McQueen?

BROOKE  
We, uh...

She motions to indicate herself and Sam.

BROOKE (CONT'D)  
...we kinda have an idea. Sam?

Sam collects her thoughts for a moment.

SAM  
Okay, yesterday Brooke said  
something about playing the  
popularity game. Well...I was  
thinking, if it's like a game—why  
don't we change some of the rules  
and see what happens?

Osbourne purses his lips.

OSBOURNE  
Interesting. Continue.

SAM  
In fact, why not reverse the whole  
thing? Make it anti-popular.  
Like, we can call it...The  
Unpopularity Game.

OSBOURNE  
My interest does not diminish.  
And the goal of this game would  
be?

For the first time, Sam falters.

SAM  
Uh...to be...unpopular?

MARY CHERRY  
Well, hell, ANYONE can be  
unpopular, just by being an  
obnoxious bitch!

LILY  
(stage-whispering to Carmen)  
I guess she'd know.

Mary Cherry narrows her eyes at Lily.

HARRISON  
She's right, though.

MARY CHERRY  
(pleased)  
Why, thank you, Joe!

HARRISON  
You have to have some ground  
rules. Otherwise you're just  
going to end up with who can do  
the best imitation of Nicole.

There seems to be general agreement on that point.

CARMEN  
Wait a minute, though. Doesn't  
Nicole kinda disprove the theory?

BROOKE  
(shaking her head)  
What are you talking about?

CARMEN  
Well—Nicole WAS an obnoxious  
bitch, but she was still popular.

SAM  
(waves her finger)  
No, no, she was only popular  
because BROOKE was popular. All  
she ever did was ride Brooke's  
coattails.

CARMEN  
What difference does it make?  
People still THOUGHT she was  
popular. Isn't that what counts?

Osbourne takes a step forward, to insert himself into the  
discussion.

OSBOURNE  
Let's take that curious little  
question—the perceptions of  
popularity—save it for future  
examination, and return to the  
subject at hand.  
(turning to Sam)  
Miss McPherson, you wanted to  
uncover unpopularity. I think it  
behooves you to define it.

SAM  
Define unpopularity?

OSBOURNE  
A simple enough task, Miss  
McPherson...  
(tilting his head)  
...don't you think?

SAM  
(thinking furiously)  
Unpopularity... Isn't it...just  
not being popular?

OSBOURNE  
(challenging)  
Is it?

SAM  
(uncertainly)  
Well...isn't it?

Osbourne shifts his attention to the whole class.

OSBOURNE  
Can someone name a person who, in  
your opinion, defines  
unpopularity?

Sam and Brooke look at each other.

SAM/BROOKE  
April Tuna.

CARMEN  
No...I mean, she may be schizo,  
but she WAS student body  
president.

SAM  
Yeah, by default! Look, nobody  
wants to be anything like April.  
As far as unpopularity goes, that  
works for me.

LILY  
(shakes her head)  
We're missing something here.

BROOKE  
I don't know what.

LILY  
Well—okay, it's easy to dump on  
April, 'cause she's so...out  
there.

SAM  
(leading)  
Yeah?

LILY  
I'm saying there's lots of people  
worse off than her, at least  
popularity-wise. What about  
Emory? Or Freddy Gong? For that  
matter, what about these...these  
hordes of people we don't even  
KNOW?

HARRISON  
I don't think you're talking about  
unpopular. I think you're talking  
about unNOTICED.

CARMEN  
I get it. You can't be unpopular  
if nobody knows who you are.

LILY  
So, see, that's what I'm saying.  
There's really THREE groups—the  
popular kids, the unpopular kids,  
and then there's this huge,  
nameless void in the middle.

She turns to Osbourne.

LILY (CONT'D)  
Right?

From his customary perch on the corner of his desk, Osbourne  
nods in acknowledgment.

OSBOURNE  
Bravo, Mrs. Ford. A competent  
observation. It would appear that  
both popularity and its opposite  
have the same foundation. And, of  
course, it's possible to be  
neither.

He straightens, walks around to the chalkboard, and writes  
"POPULAR" and "UNPOPULAR" in large letters, side by side.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Perhaps we should spend some time  
refining our terms. Then, I  
believe, we shall discover whether  
or not Miss McQueen's and Miss  
McPherson's idea is implementable.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TEACHERS' LOUNGE - LATER

Osbourne is sitting at one of the tables, looking over papers;  
Ms. Ross and Coach Krupps are eating at another table; and  
Miss Glass is helping herself to a cup of coffee.

Principal Krupps walks in, and makes his way over to Osbourne,  
who stands in response.

KRUPPS  
Mr. Osbourne. I'm sorry I haven't  
had a chance to drop in on your  
class—lend a little moral  
support.

OSBOURNE  
(waves dismissively)  
Eric, please. And it's completely  
unnecessary. I've had no problems  
at all.

From next to the coffee machine, Miss Glass snorts.

GLASS  
That bunch of delinquents, you  
just need to sit on 'em hard.

Osbourne eyes her for a moment before addressing himself to  
Principal Krupps.

OSBOURNE  
Actually, I've found them to be  
studious, hard-working and  
intellectually curious.

GLASS  
(guffawing)  
Those kids? Intellectually  
ANYTHING?

Osbourne gathers his papers and puts them in his valise.

OSBOURNE  
(to Glass)  
Indeed. I can't speak to your  
experience, of course—perhaps  
their potential merely required  
someone with the ability to awaken  
it.

As Miss Glass' mouth drops open, Osbourne nods a farewell to  
Principal Krupps and walks out; while nearby, Ms. Ross can  
barely keep from cracking up. Glass glares after him.

GLASS  
(muttering)  
Oh, you are going down, MISTER  
Osbourne.

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT TWO


	4. Act Three

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

INT. CAFETERIA - NOON

Lily sets her tray down at one of the tables, where Sam,  
Brooke and Carmen are already eating.

CARMEN  
Man—that class is exhausting.

SAM  
I think it's stimulating.

CARMEN  
(wrinkling her nose)  
That's just because he likes you.

BROOKE  
I agree. It's...challenging.

CARMEN  
Well, he likes you, too.

LILY  
Come on, Carm, I don't really  
think he "likes" anybody.

CARMEN  
He called YOU "competent".

LILY  
(grins)  
He did, didn't he?

Harrison walks up to the table carrying a stack of paper  
slips.

HARRISON  
Hey, check it out, guys. Fresh  
from the print shop.

He sets the stack down in the middle of the table; Carmen  
picks off the top sheet.

LILY  
(reading over Carmen's shoulder)  
"Kennedy High Popularity Survey".

CARMEN  
It's just a couple of boxes.

HARRISON  
Yeah, the girl doing graphic  
design said KISS was best.

CARMEN  
(quizzically)  
Kiss?

Carmen presses her lips to the paper experimentally, before  
Sam reaches out and takes it.

SAM  
"Keep It Simple, Stupid".

She examines the paper critically.

SAM (CONT'D)  
It IS pretty simple. We just ask  
people to write down who they  
think the most popular and  
unpopular people in the school  
are?

HARRISON  
The twist is, whoever gets the  
most UNpopular votes, wins.

LILY  
I still think it should be  
multiple choice.

BROOKE  
I still think everybody's going to  
put April Tuna down as the  
unpopular one, and...

Sam wags an eyebrow.

SAM  
"And"? You think the school'll  
pick you as the popular one?

Brooke gives her a sour look.

SAM (CONT'D)  
(laughing)  
Face it, Brooke, you've still got  
it.

If anything, Brooke's expression turns even more bitter.

CARMEN  
Cheer up—maybe Mary Cherry will  
win.

SAM  
Oh, God, can you imagine how  
insufferable she'd be then?

As the girls—minus Brooke—laugh over that, Carmen spots Josh  
and Sugar Daddy entering the lunchroom.

CARMEN  
(waving)  
Hey, Jo—

But before she can even get his name out, he has turned on his  
heel and left.

CARMEN (CONT'D)  
That's funny—I just saw Josh.  
(to Lily)  
Hey, don't you usually eat lunch  
together?

LILY  
(defensively)  
We're not joined at the hip, you  
know.

Sam looks like she might say something, but Lily warns her off  
with a sharp glance. Meanwhile, Brooke looks across at Lily  
speculatively, and a moment later gets up abruptly.

BROOKE  
(muttering)  
Excuse me.

Carmen eyes Brooke as she walks away.

CARMEN  
Was it something we said?

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Sugar Daddy is trailing Josh down the hall.

SUGAR  
Yo, man, what's with the U-turn?

Josh stops and allows Sugar Daddy to catch up.

JOSH  
I can't go in there—Lily's in  
there.

Sugar Daddy puts his hands to his temples.

SUGAR  
I musta woke up in Bizarro World  
this mornin', 'cuz I coulda swore  
you and Lily were like THAT.  
(crossing his fingers)  
You know, with a ring and all to  
prove it?

JOSH  
Yeah, well, there's a shortage of  
wedded bliss. Look, all we've  
been doing lately is fighting—I  
just want a little peace and  
quiet.

SUGAR  
Okay, bro, but I gotta keep my  
strength up, so—

JOSH  
Yeah...see you later.

Sugar reverses course and heads back towards the cafeteria.  
Josh continue to meander down the hall, until from behind  
comes—

BROOKE  
Josh!

He turns and sees Brooke coming.

JOSH  
(grins)  
Hey, Brooke.

He leans easily against the lockers; while she stands frowning  
in front of him, arms akimbo.

BROOKE  
Okay, what's going on?

JOSH  
What?

BROOKE  
You and Lily—what's going on?

His expression sours.

JOSH  
It's nothing, Brooke.

He turns to walk away, but she maneuvers to block his path.

BROOKE  
Oh, no, no, we've known each other  
too long for you to just blow me  
off.

JOSH  
(tiredly)  
I'm already fighting with Lily. I  
don't want to fight with you, too.

BROOKE  
Well, then, tell me what's going  
on, and we won't be.

Josh gives up.

JOSH  
It's the same thing it always is.  
She's...Lily, and I'm just dumb  
Josh.

BROOKE  
(sighs)  
Josh, you have GOT to get over  
this!

JOSH  
Hey, it's not me, it's what SHE  
thinks!

BROOKE  
Oh, that's not true.

JOSH  
Yes it is! You know, I thought we  
were happy. Now all of a sudden  
she wants me to be...I don't know  
what she wants me to be, but it's  
not who I am.

BROOKE  
I think you're being silly.

JOSH  
And she thinks I'm just a dumb  
jock. I dunno...maybe I am, after  
all.

BROOKE  
Stop it, Josh. Didn't you have a  
great summer job? Not some dumb  
jock-type job, like the counter at  
some fast-food joint. Huh?

JOSH  
Yeah...

BROOKE  
And, you remember when you first  
made the team, and the coach said  
that you memorized the playbook  
faster than anyone else? You had  
to be pretty smart to do that,  
right?

JOSH  
That's not gonna help me. She's  
all freaked out now just because  
I've been practicing with the guys  
lately. Did you know she hates  
football?

BROOKE  
(shrugging)  
Big deal. I hate football.

JOSH  
(accusingly)  
What? You do NOT!

BROOKE  
(chuckles)  
Yes, I do.

JOSH  
No way! We went to every game for  
two years—

BROOKE  
Josh, I was cheering. I  
couldn't've cared less what you  
guys were doing.

JOSH  
(dumbfounded)  
Really?

BROOKE  
So see, it didn't stop us from  
having a relationship; it  
shouldn't stop you and Lily,  
either.

JOSH  
I dunno...

BROOKE  
She's just worried that you're  
going to turn into some  
Neanderthal. I told her it was  
nothing.

JOSH  
You talked to Lily?

BROOKE  
(rolls her eyes)  
Yes, Josh, it's not like we exist  
in separate social universes  
anymore. I told her it wasn't  
like you were going back to being  
a full-time jock.  
(eyes him)  
You aren't, are you?

JOSH  
What? No! It feels good to be  
out there with the guys again,  
but...my dad always wanted that  
more than me, anyway.

BROOKE  
See? All you have to do is sit  
down with Lily and tell her that.  
And stop with the idea that she's  
so much smarter than you! Okay,  
maybe she is a little, but—

He swats her playfully on the arm as she dissolves in  
laughter.

EFFECT CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER

Sam, Brooke, Harrison, Lily and Carmen are huddled at the  
intersection of two corridors. Each of them is holding a  
stack of survey slips.

SAM  
Okay, everybody know what section  
of the school they're taking?  
Let's get out there and get those  
votes!

The group splits up.

FLIP CUT TO:

MONTAGE

of the gang stopping other students, passing out and  
explaining the surveys.

CUT TO:

INT. CHEMISTRY CLASS - LATER

Miss Glass is walking the center aisle of her empty classroom,  
sweeping random papers into the trash, when she spots one of  
the survey slips lying on a table. Setting down the  
wastebasket, she picks it up and looks it over—and then a  
very evil grin spreads across her face.

FLIP CUT TO:

INT. PRINCIPAL KRUPPS' OFFICE - LATER

Krupps is examining the survey slip, as Miss Glass looks on  
with ill-concealed glee.

KRUPPS  
(reading)  
"Kennedy High Popularity Survey".

GLASS  
(pointing helpfully)  
"Return to Mr. Osbourne".

KRUPPS  
Yes, I see... Well—thank you  
for bringing this to my attention,  
Miss Glass.

GLASS  
(straight-faced)  
Just doing my duty as a member of  
the faculty.

KRUPPS  
I think—

At that moment he spots Osbourne walking past the open  
doorway.

KRUPPS (CONT'D)  
—Eric!

Osbourne stops in his tracks, backs up a step and peers in.

KRUPPS (CONT'D)  
Come in, please.

OSBOURNE  
(stepping inside)  
Yes, Mr. Krupps. How can I help  
you today?

Krupps holds up the slip.

KRUPPS  
Miss Glass was just showing me  
this.

OSBOURNE  
Ah, yes. It's a class project.  
The upcoming school spirit contest  
spawned a fascinating discussion  
of the nuances of popularity—a  
subject with which the students  
are intimately familiar on a  
personal level, of course.

KRUPPS  
(musing to himself)  
And this little survey will have  
all the kids thinking about it,  
just in time for the contest...

OSBOURNE  
Excuse me?

KRUPPS  
(looking up)  
Synergy, Eric. Your class helping  
to advance the morale of the whole  
school.

Krupps extends his hand.

KRUPPS (CONT'D)  
(shaking Osbourne's hand)  
Keep up the good work, Eric.

OSBOURNE  
Thank you, Mr. Krupps.

He turns to Miss Glass, who is standing there stupefied.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
And thank you, Miss Glass, for  
your part in this.

With that, Osbourne turns and walks out. After a couple of  
seconds, Miss Glass shakes off her shock and rushes out after  
him.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER

As Osbourne strolls down the corridor, Miss Glass comes  
running after him.

GLASS  
Osbourne!

He turns and stares her down.

GLASS (CONT'D)  
I don't know how you finagled your  
way out of that, Osbourne, but I  
swear I'll get you!

OSBOURNE  
Indeed?

GLASS  
Standing there with your diction  
and your hoity-toity attitude...  
You're a disruptive influence  
here!

OSBOURNE  
(icily)  
Yes, I can see how someone like  
you would be threatened by the  
radical concept of actually  
teaching something.

GLASS  
(shaking her finger furiously)  
You just wait! Your days here are  
numbered, Osbourne!

She turns on her heel and stalks off. Osbourne watches her go  
impassively.

OSBOURNE  
(softly)  
We shall see, Miss Glass. We  
shall see.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE


	5. Act Four

ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

EST. KENNEDY HIGH - MORNING

Another sunny morning.

CUT TO:

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY

Lily and Carmen are walking down the hall when they come face  
to-face with a huge, glitzy, professionally prepared poster  
hyping Mary Cherry in the school spirit contest.

CARMEN  
(gaping)  
Whoa... I think maybe Mary  
Cherry's going a little overboard  
over this.

LILY  
Carm, does Mary Cherry ever NOT go  
overboard?

They are still laughing when Sam shows up.

CARMEN  
(gesturing at the poster)  
Hey, Sam—see this?

Sam just shakes her head in resignation.

SAM  
Mary Cherry trying to buy  
popularity. Didn't we talk about  
that yesterday?

LILY  
(shakes her head)  
That was Wednesday. Yesterday was  
popular culture.

SAM  
Ohh, right...

LILY  
(thinking)  
You know, these posters only went  
up yesterday...I hope we didn't  
give Mary Cherry the idea for  
them.

Sam rolls her eyes. Carmen heads off for class, but Sam  
catches Lily's arm.

SAM  
How are you and Josh doing?

LILY  
Better, I think. Maybe  
everybody's right, maybe I am  
obsessing over nothing. I mean, a  
couple of practices doesn't mean  
anything, right? Anyway, we're  
going to spend all day tomorrow at  
the beach.

Sam hugs Lily.

SAM  
I'm glad.

LILY  
Me too—I hate fighting.

Arm in arm, they walk off, laughing.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SOCIAL STUDIES CLASS - LATER

As usual, Osbourne makes his appearance at the exact moment  
that the bell rings.

OSBOURNE  
Good morning. We shall begin by  
announcing the results of the  
class project we began on Tuesday.  
Through this morning, two hundred  
and eighty-nine surveys had been  
returned.

SAM  
(crestfallen)  
That's all?

OSBOURNE  
(raising an eyebrow)  
It is considerably more than I  
expected, and significantly more  
than usually results with this  
sort of thing. You were,  
apparently, quite diligent in  
your efforts. I said that the  
class would be graded as a unit;  
the entire class hereby receives  
an "A" grade for this project.

There is a muted swell of approval.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
Now, as for the results of the  
survey. I have tabulated all of  
the responses, and discovered  
that—coincidentally—both the  
person who received the most  
"popular" votes, and the person  
who received the most "unpopular"  
votes, are in this class.

Everyone looks around at each other, while Osbourne circles  
around behind his desk and fishes out a piece of paper.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
The person who received the  
highest number of "popular"  
votes—by a considerable margin—  
was Miss McQueen.

There is a light smattering of applause, led by Sam, while  
Brooke looks skyward with an aggrieved expression and shakes  
her head.

MARY CHERRY  
Well, Brooke, once again I bow to  
your greater popularity. I musta  
come in second. But since you're  
not running in the school spirit  
contest, I'm still a shoo-in to  
win that!

OSBOURNE  
Ahem...and as for the person who  
received the most "unpopular"  
votes—the winner of The  
Unpopularity Game—  
Congratulations, Miss Cherry.

Mary Cherry spins around and goggles at Osbourne.

OSBOURNE (CONT'D)  
You are, apparently, the most  
unpopular person at this school.

Dead silence fills the room, and before anyone can recover, a  
tone fills the air.

KRUPPS (V.O.)  
(over the loudspeaker)  
Can I have your attention, please.  
This is Principal Calvin Krupps,  
with a special announcement. Due  
to, ah...difficulties the  
organizers are experiencing, the  
school spirit contest, scheduled  
for next week, is now canceled.  
Thank you.

As the loudspeaker clicks off, all eyes turn to Mary Cherry,  
who is sitting there, eyes wide, mouth hanging open. For one,  
two, three beats she sits frozen; then she lets out one  
single, prolonged, ear-splitting, glass-shattering scream...

CUT TO:

EST. MCQUEEN HOUSE - EVENING

CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN DINING ROOM

The McQueens and the McPhersons are sitting around the dinner  
table.

JANE  
Was she all right?

SAM  
She's not catatonic or anything.  
It was fun to watch.  
(rubbing her ear)  
I may never hear right again,  
though.

JANE  
That poor girl...

SAM  
Mary Cherry? Please. She'll get  
over it.  
(pause)  
And of course, there was the  
affirmation of Brooke as THE most  
popular one—as always.

Brooke, who has been moodily picking at her dinner, throws her  
napkin down and jumps up.

BROOKE  
Excuse me.

Sam watches her run off, and hangs her head.

SAM  
Aw, damn... I shouldn't make  
jokes about it. She really hates  
it.

Sam gets up.

SAM (CONT'D)  
I have to go apologize.

As Sam starts after Brooke, the phone rings. Jane, who is  
closest to it, gets up and picks it up.

JANE  
(into the phone)  
Hello?... Oh, yes, just a moment.  
(calling)  
Sam! It's Art Fleischer.

Sam stops, torn, but then reverses her course and walks over  
to the phone, taking it from her mother.

SAM  
(into the phone)  
Hello?...

FADE TO:

EST. L.A. SKYLINE - SUNRISE

A fast-motion shot of the sun rising behind the city's  
skyscrapers.

CUT TO:

INT. BROOKE'S BEDROOM - MORNING

ANGLE: THE ANSWERING MACHINE

blinking insistently. Brooke, wearing flannel pajamas,  
reaches out and touches the button.

GIRL #1 (V.O.)  
(on the machine)  
Hey, B.! It's Kelly Ann—Kelly  
Ann Sanderson? Listen, we should  
shop sometime. Gotta have outfit  
to put everyone else to shame,  
right? Call me!

The machine beeps.

GIRL #2 (V.O.)  
(on the machine)  
Hi, Brooke, this is Lisa. Anyway,  
I heard about you gunning for the  
top spot again, and, you know,  
count me in. See ya Monday.

Another beep.

GIRL #3 (V.O.)  
(on the machine)  
Brooke! Jennifer here! Hey, I  
knew you couldn't stay below the  
radar forever. We need to get  
together and plot strategy—

With a frustrated snarl, Brooke cuts off the recording by  
picking up the machine—ripping the cord out of the wall—and  
hurling the whole thing in the general direction of the  
doorway. It hits the frame and bounces off, narrowly  
missing Harrison, who has his hand poised to knock.

HARRISON  
Whoa!

Brooke doesn't even notice him. In one furious movement, she  
sweeps everything off her desk and onto the floor, then grabs  
the table lamp and flings it across the room. The sound of  
the lamp shattering against the wall spurs Harrison into  
action; he takes a few long steps across the room, and catches  
her just as she seems ready to topple her bookcase.

BROOKE  
(hysterically)  
LET ME GO!

HARRISON  
Brooke! BROOKE! STOP IT!

He pins her arms to her sides, holding her—with no small  
effort—as she tries to squirm out of his grasp. As gently as  
he can, he pulls her back to the bed and sits her down. All  
the fight seems to go out of her, and she collapses into his  
chest.

BROOKE  
(sobbing)  
I don't want it, I don't... It's  
all starting all over again...  
Please...just make it go  
away...make them all go away...

HARRISON  
(stroking her hair)  
Shhhh...it's okay, Brooke... I'm  
here...I won't let anything happen  
to you...

She looks up, as if just recognizing him.

BROOKE  
Harrison?

HARRISON  
I'm here.

She lifts up her head and kisses him; and for a moment he  
responds, before pulling away ever so slightly.

BROOKE  
What?

HARRISON  
(gently, shaking his head)  
Brooke... Here? Now?

BROOKE  
(whispering)  
Dad and Jane have Mac, Sam's at  
work...

HARRISON  
Y-you've been pushing me away for  
weeks—

Fresh tears well up in Brooke's eyes.

BROOKE  
Please...

HARRISON  
I—

But she cuts him off by kissing him again; and eventually,  
despite whatever reservations he might have had, he falls back  
onto the bed with her.

CUT TO:

INT. CARMEN'S BEDROOM

The room seems empty when Sugar Daddy cautiously appears in  
the doorway.

SUGAR  
Yo, Carm? Your mom said to come  
on up!

CARMEN (O.S.)  
Yeah! Just don't come in the  
bathroom!

Sugar Daddy advances into the room.

SUGAR  
No problemo. I'll just wait out  
here.

CARMEN (O.S.)  
I won't be long, promise!

He makes the same kind of "look, don't touch" rounds that he  
did the last time he was in the room.

SUGAR  
You know, you always look pretty  
damn good to me, Carm.

CARMEN (O.S.)  
(lightly)  
Hey, I don't know about other  
girls, but flattery works on me.

But by this time Sugar Daddy has worked his way over to her  
computer again, and this time she isn't there to stop him. He  
peruses the papers covering her computer desk with no more  
than the barest curiosity—until something catches his eye,  
and he bends down to look more closely. He picks up a stack  
of papers and flips through them quickly.

As Carmen emerges, all made up, Sugar Daddy turns and holds up  
the papers.

SUGAR  
You wanna explain this?

Carmen's mouth drops open.

CARMEN  
Wha—?

SUGAR  
This is why you didn't want to  
give me your new screen name?  
Because you're stepping out with  
another guy online?

CUT TO:

INT. JOSH AND LILY'S APARTMENT

Josh is sitting on the sofa in the living room, packing beach  
stuff into a bag.

JOSH  
(calling)  
Honey? Have you seen the suntan  
lotion?

LILY (O.S.)  
Did you look in the bathroom?

JOSH  
Yeah!

Lily emerges from the other room, carrying towels.

LILY  
I don't know, then. Maybe we ran  
out.

JOSH  
How do you run out of suntan  
lotion? You've been to the beach,  
like, twice this year.

Lily shrugs.

LILY  
We'll just pick up more on the  
way.

She sits down and snuggles up next to him.

LILY (CONT'D)  
This is really gonna be nice.

JOSH  
(grinning)  
Yeah.

The phone rings, and Josh leans over to pick it up.

JOSH (CONT'D)  
(into the phone)  
Hello?

He listens for a moment, then jumps up suddenly.

JOSH (CONT'D)  
(into)  
What? When?... Man,  
that's...what? I can't...what  
about Stankowski?... But...  
but...  
(sighing)  
All right... Yes, sir, I'll be  
there.

As Josh hangs up the phone, Lily gets up, concerned.

LILY  
What is it?

JOSH  
George broke his ankle in  
scrimmage!

LILY  
What? Is he all right?

JOSH  
Yeah, but...he's gonna be out the  
rest of the season.

LILY  
(shaking her head)  
So?

Josh braces himself.

JOSH  
Coach Krupps wants me to sub,  
starting next week against  
Roosevelt.

LILY  
Josh! No!

JOSH  
Lily, try to understand.  
Everyone's counting on me.

Lily throws up her hands and starts to pace.

LILY  
No! This is how it starts—first  
the practices, now playing again!  
You can't do it!

JOSH  
I already told him I would. Coach  
is expecting me at practice in  
half an hour.

LILY  
WHAT? What about our day at the  
beach?

JOSH  
I'm sorry, Lily, but we're just  
going to have to do it some other  
time.

LILY  
Josh!

JOSH  
(sighs)  
I don't want to fight with you...I  
have to go get my stuff.

But Lily gets between him and the doorway.

LILY  
(waving her finger)  
Josh, stop! I forbid you from  
doing this!

JOSH  
(impatiently)  
Lily, don't be dumb, okay? You  
can't just forbid me from playing  
football. Now, I have to go.

LILY  
I don't care! I'm not gonna let  
you do this!

JOSH  
Dammit, Lily—!

In frustration, Josh slams his palm against the wall next to  
Lily's head—and the reaction is like flipping a switch: she  
shrieks, covers her head and runs screaming from the room.

Josh is shocked right out of his anger.

JOSH (CONT'D)  
Lily? Lily!

Cautiously, Josh goes through the doorway after her.

CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN LIVING ROOM

The front door opens, and Sam walks in, juggling her laptop,  
several folders and her cell phone.

SAM  
(into the phone)  
...well, I wish they'd install new  
software when I'm at school...  
No, no, I'm totally down with the  
telecommuting thing.

She looks around.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Nobody's here anyway. Just let me  
run up to my room and set  
everything up. Call you right  
back.

Sam flips the phone shut and tucks it away, and bounds up the  
stairs.

CUT TO:

INT. MCQUEEN UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

Rounding the top of the stairs, Sam is not exactly looking  
where she's going—which is why she practically collides with  
Harrison, wet and wearing only a towel around his waist, as he  
makes his way down the hall.

SAM  
Harrison! God!

HARRISON  
Ah, S-Sam—I thought—y-you're  
supposed to be at work—

SAM  
The computers at the paper  
crashed. So I'm working from home  
today.

She looks at him again, and does a double-take.

SAM (CONT'D)  
Harrison...you're wearing a towel.  
Something wrong with the shower at  
your place?

Harrison looks down at himself dumbly.

HARRISON  
Sam, I can—uh—

Then a twinkle enters her eye, and a slow grin spreads across  
her face.

SAM  
Were you gonna surprise me?  
Maybe, show up in my bed? I'm  
sorry, I didn't mean to ruin it.

She runs her hand lightly over his chest.

SAM (CONT'D)  
But I will say, it is a nice thing  
to come home to—

But then her flirting is abruptly cut off by—

BROOKE (O.S.)  
Harrison? Did you find my soap?

Harrison squeezes his eyes shut, defeated.

BROOKE (O.S.) (CONT'D)  
Come on, Harrison, I thought you  
were going to wash my back—

Unaware, clad only in her own towel, Brooke steps out of the  
bathroom—and stops dead.

BROOKE (CONT'D)  
Sam.

Sam just stands there, frozen, eyes wide, looking from  
Harrison to Brooke and back.

SUPER: TO BE CONTINUED

BLACK OUT.

END OF ACT FOUR

**THE END**


End file.
